How to Dress Like Smurfette

With the Smurf movie premiering soon, I have a sneaking suspicion that Smurf costumes will be popping up a little more than usual. Want to make like Katy Perry and get your Smurfette on? I sported my best Smurf chic for this year’s Beirut tourney (country: Smurfville) and can provide a step-by-step guide on how to be the best dressed Smurfette in town!

Step 1:: Buy Blue Body Paint

I used Graftobian Liquid Latex. It made me the perfect hue of smurfy blue, but don’t necessarily recommend it.

Liquid Latex

Cons

• Stinky Smell
• 

  Easy Application

  Latex covered body parts stick together (think forearm stuck to bicep or calf stuck to hamstring when bending your arm/leg). When you do make skin-to-skin contact, you have to basically rip off a gigantic blue band-aid to break free. This is vexatious.

Pros

• Easy Application – Just use a wash rag and wipe the liquid latex on (but it needs to be an old rag that you can throw away afterwards).
• Easy Removal – Note: I said easy, not painless. Latex peels right off your skin…pulling your hair out with it.

Step 2:: Clothe Yourself In White

To complete your Smurfette look, pair your beautiful blue body with a white dress, white beanie and flower broach. Be sure to turn on the pizzazz, Smurfette is quite the charmer!

Smurfalicious

I’ll Take the Physical Challenge

You might wondering why I was making gallons of green slime. Well it was the main ingredient of fun at this year’s Bay to Breakers!

For those of you who don’t know what Bay to Breakers is, it’s technically a 12k footrace held in San Francisco every year. It gets its name because the start of the race is at The Embarcadero, the “bay” side of the city, and ends at the “breakers” of Ocean Beach. But in reality, Bay to Breakers is a moving street party. It’s the Marti Gras of the West Coast – themed floats, kegs in shopping carts, costumes, the occasional naked hippie (not even kidding you) – all part of the organized event that brings 75,000 people together!

Red Team vs Blue Team

Dave White, our very own Marc Summers

This year my group of friends chose Double Dare as the theme. Just like the show on Nickelodeon, we had the red team, the blue team, Marc Summers, dares, physical challenges and most importantly – SLIME!

Tomfoolery broke out about 20 minutes into the race when I was dared to slime Noble. After this initial slimming occurred, the floodgates of green goo opened and a full on 70-person slime massacre went down. With gobs of slime being slung everywhere, no one was safe – innocent bystanders not even associated with Double Dare were plastered with green glop. At the end of Bay to Breakers, everyone knew about the Double Dare team and was obsessed with the green slime!

Let the Slimming Begin!

I took the Physical Challenge

And just saying…the slime was such a hit and such an integral part of Double Dare’s success, the slime chefs (Curtis, Amy and I) like to joke that we saved Bay to Breakers…but, um, we kinda did!

We saved Bay to Breakers, you're welcome.

Personal Savior Wanted – Girlfriend Now in Search of Belongings

In an effort to find all the valuables that my boyfriend Noble lost after a Beirut Tourney on January 23rd, I posted a Craigslist ‘Lost & Found’ ad when Noble’s post entitles “Hero Wanted – Local Idiot Looking for Belongings” had no responses.

Dear Potential Savior(s),

While the Local Idiot made an effort on Craigslist to reclaim our belongings, he came up empty-handed; therefore I figured I would now try to win some of your mercy.

Let me paint the picture: On Saturday, my boyfriend and I head off to the Presidio for the World Cup of Beirut. For those of you not familiar with this tournament of champions, the basic gist is 30 teams dress as their favorite group of foreigners and play beer pong. 8 hours, 4 kegs and 70 mutilated livers later, the contestants head to the Marina in costume to see who can embarrass themselves the most.

Amy and Me as Saloon Girls

Prince Adam

When the time comes for the Marina fiasco, my Indian boyfriend, along with the backpack holding all of our belongings – ID, money, keys, 2 phones and 2 cameras, is nowhere to be seen. Cab companies have just started refusing to make Presidio pick-ups, my car is locked, I can’t call my boyfriend and the shlonker-faced tourney hosts are totally useless. Given the facts, we (fellow Saloon Girl and African Prince) were given no option other than to steal a car and escape from San Francisco’s Blair Witch neighborhood.

When we finally arrive at Mauna Loa, still in full costume glory, we are given a warm welcome from both friends and strangers. Nevertheless, my oblivious Savage boyfriend and his drunken Buddhist accomplice are nowhere to be found.

Josh, the Buddhist Monk

Flash-forward 5 hours to 3am; I awaken to find the Loincloth Warrior on the roof, in the rain, trying so squeeze through the upstairs window in order to gain access to the house for himself and the Drunk Monk.

Now you, the astute reader, may be asking yourself, “Since homeboy has the backpack with all the belongings, wouldn’t it have been safer to enter through the front door?” I too asked this curious question. Upon further inspection, it appeared that the ‘valuables’ pocket, holding the house/car keys, both phones, and both cameras (brand new Christmas presents) was wide open, and its contents conspicuously absent.

So after abandoning us in the woods, forcing us to commit auto theft and making us hustle for drinks (very embarrassing within the Saloon Girl community), he apologizes by losing $1200 of electronics.

If you were out at one of several Marina bars on Saturday night and have found a Blackberry in a pink casing, a first generation iPhone, a red Kodak pocket cam, a black Samsung camera, and a set of keys with a metal mustache key chain, please respond to this post with your contact info. What’s in it for you? You will become my own personal savior, handsomely rewarded in the exchange and I will introduce you to anyone you like from the amazing pocket cam videos.

The moral of this story should be obvious: Neanderthals, like Chief Firewater, have not evolved a sense of responsibility and should be treated with caution and/or club to the head.

Noble as Chief Firewater

~Girlfriend